Up until the late 2000s, the most organized the infield entertainment got at Baltimore’s Preakness Stakes was a bunch of drunks attempting to traverse a row of porta-potties while dodging half-full — or even fully full — cans of beer hurled at them by fellow revelers.

After the infamous (and incredibly amusing) “Running of the Urinals” tradition came to an end, musical headliners were introduced at what was then called InfieldFest. Considering that Pitbull was a headliner one year and the artists were accompanied by a centaur named Kegasus, the bash has never attempted to be a harbinger of high-brow taste.

But booking rapper Jack Harlow to headline this year’s event — now called Preakness LIVE — is an unforgivable low.

No, Thanks(giving)

If you like mumbly, white cultural appropriators who look and rap like they don’t give a s**t about shinola, Harlow is your guy! 

The organizers of the Preakness apparently missed his universally panned halftime performance at Ford Field on Thanksgiving Day, one which saw a bespectacled Harlow emerge from an inflatable igloo wearing gloves in a climate-controlled dome, khakis with way too many zippers, and accompanied by an scrunchy-eyed hype-man who appeared to forget the lyrics of the abominable tune “Tyler Herro” before disappearing.

The hype-man’s presence was so mystifying that some onlookers mistook him for an ALS translator.

Who was this man and why did he just lip synch behind Jack Harlow then dip? pic.twitter.com/fmPtF1GMhE

— Joey (@joeygabz4) November 23, 2023

Despite that fateful Thursday in Detroit, Harlow seems to be on a path to cultural ubiquity, starring in New Balance commercials and a remake of White Men Can’t Jump. A Louisville native, he’ll undoubtedly be at the Kentucky Derby, holding Kid Rock’s flask or something. 

But as for the Preakness, it should consider lining up the porta-potties again, because even footsteps on a piss-filled trough are better than watching Harlow perform.

Photo: Mike Mulholland/Getty Images