I wish I had a video of the moment I showed my wife my DraftKings “My Stat Sheet.” Her face was a mask of disdain, confusion, and nausea.

And I just showed her last year’s stats, where I wagered over $32,000 to “win” a little more than $31,000 and where I spent — oh dear — over 260 hours engaged with the DraftKings app.

For those keeping score at home, I had a loss of about $3.50 an hour while building USFL DFS lineups, playing Larry’s Lobstermania Slingo and betting WNBA games.

I’m not sure which disgusted her the most: The time spent — that’s over 11 days with my head in DraftKings, nevermind FanDuel, nevermind the 20 other gambling apps on my phone, nevermind the additional time thinking about gambling — or the fact I laid out over $32,000, which to some of you, is all in a day’s work, and to others, a career’s worth of gambling.

And because I didn’t want to risk giving her a coronary event, I didn’t show her my lifetime stats on DraftKings, where I’ve bet over $210,000 to win $230,000 (and yes, this paragraph exists solely for me to brag about my lifetime ROI of 9% or so on DraftKings).

By the way, my ROI across all my gambling endeavors — which is mostly a few big DFS paydays and a moment in time when I was quite adept at taking advantage of some loose online casino promos — is 26.5%. But outside of FanDuel, which offers career bets/winnings information, no other site is offering a peek behind the curtain.

But now DraftKings is with its My Stat Sheet feature, which tells you how much time you spent on DraftKings, and how much you wagered across sports betting, DFS, and casino.

It’s fun to look at.

And it’s nowhere near enough.

Give me everything

I’ve long lobbied for sportsbooks (and DFS and casino sites) to send out monthly statements to their customers detailing their play.

This should be no different than a bank or brokerage statement, and it should have the same amount of detail.

Now granted: There are third-party sites that will track this stuff (for a fee), and of course, I could learn to use Excel and log every last bet I make, but I’m not going to do either. 

Why? 

First, this is a hobby, not a job. Secondly, I’m lazy. All I do — and from what I gather, this is more than most — is track how much money I’ve put in, and how much money I’ve pulled out across all the sites.

But I know DraftKings — and all the other gambling sites — have all my information down to the penny. 

How did I do betting WNBA? How did I do playing USFL DFS? How did I do playing Lucky Larry’s Lobstermania Slingo?

Truth is, I don’t know. But I’d like to know. And DraftKings could tell me instead of paying what amounts to lip service with My Stat Sheet.

Don’t get me wrong — this is the most detailed look at my gambling behavior any site is showing me. But it’s like a handful of sand compared to a beach.

It’s like a government document that says, “Yes, there was a conspiracy,” but the rest of the information is blacked out. It’s like DraftKings is seductively showing me their data ankle whilst they keep the rest of their beautiful data curves concealed under a caged crinoline. 

Truth is, it doesn’t tell me anything outside of how much money I’ve wagered and how much time I’ve spent. It’s kind of useless.

If you really want to be responsible …

“Responsible gaming has always been a core priority at DraftKings,” Paul Liberman, DraftKings’ president of global product and technology, said in a press release hyping My Stat Sheet. “We are constantly innovating to find new ways to apply technology that enhances our responsible gaming initiatives, and My Stat Sheet is an important milestone for us as an industry leader.”

OK fine. It is an important milestone. Again, it’s more than any other site is sharing. Bravo.

But if DraftKings is serious about this, then they need to allow me to deep dive into my own behavior. It needs to be granular, otherwise it’s worthless.

Do I crush spring football? I have no idea. Do I win my WNBA bets? No clue. Have I conquered Lucky Larry’s Lobstermania Slingo? Absolutely, positively not. That one I can suss out on my own.

Truth is, if I saw I sucked at spring football and did wonderful at WNBA, I’d definitely (probably) (maybe) (I dunno) change my betting habits.

And while DraftKings is saying My Stat Sheet is all about responsible gaming, if it was really serious about it, it would open its books and give me everything.

As it stands right now, all My Stat Sheet does is offer a fun glimpse into surface betting data and freak out wives.

DraftKings — and every other gambling site — should give us everything. Allow us to easily educate ourselves on our gambling behavior. 

Photo: Getty Images